Etiquette and manners at a restaurant are essential to professional success. The point of etiquette rules are to make you feel comfortable – not uncomfortable, and they can be applied to a business luncheon or a formal dinner at a restaurant. Here are a few etiquette tips and reminders to apply to your next public social gathering from Lynda Quintero-Davids, my guest contributor today.
Timing
When inviting guest to a restaurant luncheon or dinner, invite at least a week in advance – This will give time for a career parent to make arrangements for their child as well as for family members to check that the timing won’t conflict with a previous engagement – for example a daughters’ dance recital or a sons’ Little League game. If VIP guests are expected, inviting them as much as one year in advance is not too soon so they may add it to their social schedule.
Reserve the table ahead of time. Let your guests know what to expect. Luncheon times are typically between 12 – 1 pm, where as dinner may be between 6pm and 8pm. Plan on arriving early, especially if you are the invited guest – and dress appropriately. If you are unsure of how to dress for the occasion, ask your host or hostess and if that’s not possible, call the restaurant ahead of time to ask for their dress code. Ladies, even in Spring or Summer, be sure to have a cardigan or a pashmina wrap with you to help avoid a chill so you can enjoy your company and your meal.
Arrivals And Being Seated
Before entering the restaurant, please be sure to turn off your phone, or at least place its mode on silent or vibrate. If you must check in, do so while in your car before engaging with your party – to give them your polite and undivided attention.
Whether you are hosting the restaurant dinner or luncheon for friends or colleagues, remember to greet the restaurant host and wait staff with a smile. For large parties, let the restaurant know in advance, and perhaps reserve a room for your guests or even create a pre-selected menu. Communicating to the restaurant the number of your party is not only courteous to the restaurant, but it can also help can ensure proper staffing for not only your party, but the other guests of the restaurant.
Engage with the person taking your order again with a smile, and acknowledge them by listening with eye contact, a nod, and a pleasant comment. Also always remember to say “Please” and “Thank you” – after all, they are serving you.
Purse Placement
The proper place for a lady to put her small purse during a formal event is on her lap beneath her napkin or at the small of her back, never on the table during a formal dinner – not even with a Judith Lieber, like the one below, or similar.
If, at a business luncheon, you have a larger handbag or briefcase, never hang your purse on your chair back, but rather place it on the floor, on your left, at your feet. Why the left? Because your waiter should be approaching you from the right. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, bring a handbag hook along with you in your bag, but only use that option for an informal luncheon or dinner – never at a business luncheon or formal dinner.
Napkin Placement
At a formal dinner or business luncheon, place your napkin on your lap when the host or hostess has placed their napkin on their lap, once everyone is seated. This is typically done with the napkin folded in half, the fold being placed towards you.
If you need to be excused during the dinner, place the napkin to the left of your plate, soiled side down, and tuck your chair in. Some have been taught to place your napkin on the chair, but today’s hostesses frown on this practice, as a soiled napkin placed on expensive dining chair fabric upsets many hostesses.
Placing The Menu When You’re Ready To Order
Restaurants are trained to recognize signals. After you’ve settled in your seat, placed your napkin on your lap {after the host or hostess has placed theirs} and made your selection, close your menu and place it in front of you. This will signal to the waiter that you and your party are ready to order.
Which Items Are Yours An Which Utensils Are Used For What Purposes?
If you’re new to eating in a formal and/or business environment, one of the most embarrassing situations is to not know which foods belong to you at a formal place setting. The rule here is that the solid foods, the salad and bread and butter are on your left, and the liquids, your wine and water, etc. are on the right.
This chart will help you know which utensils and glasses are used for what purposes:
How To Indicate to The Waiter That You’re Finished
After the meal is complete, and after the other guests have completed their meals and everyone is ready to leave the table, and to signal to the waiter that you’re finished, fold your napkin half heartedly, but neatly, and place it, soiled side down, to the left of your dinner plate. { Do not place a soiled napkin on a dining room chair during a formal dinner or business luncheon. Although this used to be the way it was done, today’s hostesses frown on soiled napkins being placed on expensive dining room chair fabrics, per Emily Post’s 18th edition of her etiquette book. }
Then, take your utensils, fork edge IN, and place them at either the 12 o clock position straight up or at the 10 and 4 o clock position.
Table Manners: Use your Inside Voice
Have you ever noticed how voices carry in a restaurant? This is because typically most restaurants are designed with more hard surfaces to help keep the space clean vs. the many soft surfaces in a smaller dining area of your home. Soft surfaces help to absorb sound. Understanding this can help to understand why it’s so important and polite to speak softly when in a restaurant. It also shows respect to the patrons around you. If you can’t hear the person across the table from you because the restaurant is too noisy, it is best to engage those to your left and right in conversation, and, once the meal is finished, to have a word or two with the other guests that were seated at your table, if possible.
If you are at a business luncheon or dinner where there is no assigned seating, and you are trying to be recognized, in order to potentially receive a promotion in your company, try to sit closer to the leader or the guest of honor of your group. This can help ensure some dialogue, without having to raise your voice to be noticed, but be sure to focus the majority of the dialogue on the leader or the guest of honor, and not yourself.
Special Dining Etiquette Situations
It happens, from time to time, food items such as lettuce, broccoli and even pepper can be stuck on our teeth, and we may not know it. If you’re in a restaurant and you notice this happening to a guest at your table, make eye contact with the person, and discretely tap on your face with your finger the area they need to attend to. For other special dining etiquette situations, such as dropped food, spills, food in your hair or disposing of unwanted food, see Restaurant Etiquette at the Etiquette Scholar.
For a list of special food types and foods to avoid eating (especially at a business dinner) see these guides at WhatsCookingAmerica.net
Toasting & Tasting
Most toasts are celebratory – from a family engagement, a birth announcement or a business toast to a new partner, relocation or merger. For toasting tips from who toasts, getting the crowds attention, whether to sit or stand, and even replying to toasts, see Toasts and Toasting Etiquette at The Etiquette Scholar.
If your tasting a new wine for the first time, be sure to apply some of these wine tasting tips: Hold the glass by the stem, hold the glass to your nose to smell the bouquet, take a small sip and swish in your mouth before swallowing. Don’t rush the tasting experience. Linger over the wine. For additional wine tasting tips, see How to Taste Wine and Wine Tasting For Beginners, both at The Wine Enthusiast. This infographic shared by American Express is the best I’ve seen.
Paying The Bill & Proper Tipping
The site ‘What’s Cooking America’ offers these excellent tips to consider for dividing the bill:
Dividing or sharing the restaurant bill with others:
- Always assume that if you’re dining in a group of more than 6 people (3 couples), that the check is going to be divided evenly among everyone.
- When dining when other couples, if you know you are going to ask for a separate check, tell the server before you order so that the process is simplified later.
- Take into account any significant ($15 or more) price differences in orders. If someone only orders soup and everyone else orders 2 to 3 courses, it’s not fair to make them pay the same.
- If there are a couple people not drinking alcohol while the rest of the group is, separate the beverage total to take this into account and don’t overcharge the non-drinkers.
Proper tipping etiquette in a restaurant:
At a restaurant, always leave a tip. Tips can vary from 15% to 25%.
Waiter: 15% to 20% of the bill; 25% for extraordinary service
Wine steward: 15% of wine bill
Bartender: 10% to 15% of bar bill
Coat check: $1.00 per coat
- Car attendant: $2.00 to $5.00
Business Meal Follow-Up
Be sure to follow-up your lovely dinner meal, for business or with family, with a handwritten note of thanks. Within it, make a specific reference to how pleasant the restaurant choice was, how delicious your (insert entree) was and how you enjoyed every one’s company and conversation. You may also include a reciprocal invitation for a later date.
Also note, there is a difference between Business vs. Social Etiquette:
- Many business meetings take place outside the office over a meal. But, again confusion exists over two matters; first, what meal to use for what purpose and second how to handle the tab gracefully.
- Power breakfasts are ideal for urgent business, to review an event happening that day or to meet with a person who doesn’t take lunch. Schedule 45 minutes to 1 hour.
- Allow two hours for a power lunch. Lunch is the ideal meal to entertain clients or to establish business contacts.
- Coffee or tea are the new power meal, an ideal time to become better acquainted with someone with whom you want to establish a business relationship.
- Business dinners should never be the first meal with a client unless that person is from out of town or has specifically requested it.
Read more of the Manners Mom Never Taught You at International Etiquette.
It’s okay to toast with water if you prefer not drink.
Dress properly for a business occasion.
Respect your server with please, thank you and a smile.
Remember this? Gracious manners, giving your dinner companion your rapt attention, and dressing for the occasion will insure that you enjoy yourself and feel at ease at your next formal party or business luncheon in a lovely restaurant.
For additional hosting and entertaining tips in the Hadley Court series, Celebrating Gracious Living, written by guest contributor Lynda Quintero-Davids, refer to these previous posts:
And also be sure to join & connect with Hadley Court’s Founder and Editor, Leslie Hendrix Wood, on Twitter, Facebook, Google+ and Pinterest for for ideas, inspirations and guides to gracious living.
Thank you for reading ~
Lynda ~